In the 1970s and early 80s, I worked as a retail assistant in a small pet shop in East Sheen, owned by family friends. Roberta was a regular customer, coming in most Saturdays for cat food or flea collars. Whiskas or Go-Cat or Purina, I can't remember. My first memory was her voice. Deep and husky and very cut glass. She reminded me of Hinge and Bracket (which I guess was not surprising). She was physically imposing and also had extremely large hands. Her hair was covered with a scarf and she wore a light brown coat which looked like something my granny might have worn. I knew there was something different about her but the 70s in Surrey were naive times and I had never come across a "tranny" as we would have called her in the playground. When she left the shop Tony (my boss) told me who she was and her back story. I remember being fascinated by her story, by her motor racing and flying background and by her current circumstances. The idea that she had been a man and was now a woman was both wince-inducing and rather shocking.
As I got to know her a little from her frequent visits to the shop, it appeared that she had no desire for the limelight and that anonymity was important to her. I remember a few comments from other customers about her appearance, more curious than cruel. I longed to find out more about her but it just didn't seem appropriate or wanted. As I read about her today, it doesn't surprise me that she died alone, that just 4 people attended her funeral and that there appear to be so few pictures of her in later life. It is rare that you meet someone who was "the first" and I'm pleased to have met her but there was nothing really special about her. She was just a big old lady who looked a bit odd and liked cats and didn't want any attention.
I think she would be surprised at how far the LGBT+ community has evolved since her time. She said in her autobiography that she "preferred to steer clear of children and elderly ladies who were too observant or at least too outspoken in their remarks". She also didn't recommend medical transition to others saying "many of those people will regret the operation later". Now children are being encouraged to explore their gender identity and there are charities and web sites that provide help and support for people like Roberta. However gender reassignment was still quite rare until recently. Between 2000 and 2009, just 12 men had state funded reassignment surgery along with 853 women. The numbers currently are hard to find but the BBC reported in January 2020 that there were 13,500 on the waiting lists for NHS gender identity clinics and Stonewall estimate there are more than 600,000 trans and non binary people in the UK.
I doubt anyone; children, elderly people or me, would take much more than a second glance at Roberta today. However it strikes me that we can learn a lot from her. It took a three year struggle, castration and major surgery before she was able to find the emotional contentment she craved and it was right for her. As a direct result, she never saw her children again and died alone. It may be easier to change a body than a mind - but it strikes me that is is never easy.
